May 2007
6 posts
ここに
辺り見回すけれど 知ってる ここに居る筈も無い事は 胸を切り開いて 思い出を眺め ずっと忘れず生きて行く方がいいの?
April 2007
22 posts
enjoy it.
You get exactly what you asked for. I feel no sense of loss for you whatsoever.
lapse
As hard as I try I can’t remember the last name of my first serious boyfriend. We dated in 2004, so it wasn’t that long ago, and I was so madly in love it makes me wonder how I could’ve possibly forgot his last name! I even remember the stupid nickname his family had for him. He is completely irrelevant to my life now, but I thought you never forgot your first true love? It seems...
I can’t be bewildered anymore I can only move on to what’s next But when I’m alone, I think of you I’m starting to forget why you loved me At least, that’s what I really want to think
“ 計画通り?計算違い? 読めないあなたの深層心理”
tripping
I go from wanting to say everything from wanting to say nothing. I’m tired! I’m tired of it all! I’m sick and tired of being sick an tired. Can’t I heal? Emotionally and physically, from anything? I feel like my wounds just linger and its hard to keep that all bottled up sometimes. Its like crying out of the blue for no reason at all. Not only do you scare/surprise...
regression
I feel in the aftermath of the shock that it simply wasn’t meant to work out at all, That I really didn’t care for him as much as I thought I did, or at least one would think that I’d be more.. depressed? I’ve felt just wonderful these past days. I don’t need him. He was more of a burden than a blessing. I don’t want to be that child’s replacement mother....
my cellphone seems pretty useless now. there is no one i want to call, no one i wish to communicate with. i’ve been mass downloading dramas, making a whole ‘nother reality for myself to exist in.
“Never give up trying to express yourself. The ones who are really listening will...”
“声を聞きたいよ”
OVER
I couldn’t stay in blissful ignorance for long. He knew what I wanted. He knew he didn’t want the same. He used me and he tries to justify what he did. I’m glad I didn’t give my all to him. I’m glad I held back. I can only push myself to believe that I only liked the idea of him. I know my heart doesn’t lie but there was no benefit to that relationship for me....
be my last
don’t deceive me, trust your happiness in my hands. I’m what your heart needs. believe me.
apparently
I can’t tell a hurdle from a brick wall. As if by some way I’d be able to gauge my progress, but life is never that easy.
missing link
You can tell yourself whatever is necessary to keep the guilt out of your head. There is obviously something that you’re keeping from me.
to be real
I’m empty on the inside. I keep grinding my teeth and sighing and fidgeting and I can’t stop. My body is in turmoil over feelings my words can’t express. I felt lucky, you know? Like I was getting what was coming to me and my parade has already been thoroughly rained on by the time a week has past. But then you tell me to pick my battles, and I don’t want to know what...
emotional suicide
Ah, so you’re lying to my face now? Isn’t that just great. I feel as if…. There are no words.
lacking ingredients
Having total devotion and deep admiration for you obviously is not enough. You want her, my other half, the one who doesn’t want you. The one that doesn’t care for you. The one who wishes me well on my pursuit of you. Can’t I be enough? Why must you yearn for the one who will never return your feelings? I’ve already given you just about all one can share with another....
simpler this way
Instead of dealing with the character limitations of cyworld I’ll just relocate to this medium instead. I worry not who reads this, for even later when I myself reads this I will most likely be unable to decipher these ramblings myself. This is not the only place I write, I have scattered unfinished paper journals as well as a few private and not so private weblogs, online diaries or...
